sometimes

sometimes.words are so hard to explain.i noe nth abt expressing myself.i noe nt the way to say the way i feel.i noe nt how to say when i dislike.i noe nt how to say i like.i feel far at times.nt noeing who to go to.nt noeing how to start.all i can do is let everything stay in my heart.ok.maybe u will say u will listen.but i jus not noe how to start.whenever i try to say.i lost my words.my mind go blank.so no words cm out of my mouth.how much i wan to say i dislike.how much i wan to say stop.how much i wan to jus leave u guys alone to die.i noe u wun die without me.but seriously folks.WE hav to change.for the better.actualli.ppl do tell me b4 how bad is our cg.u noe how mani times i heard (evesdrop)ppl saying that our cg cannot make it.i didnt mean to discourage u guys.but i cant bear it anymore.sumtimes.to tell u the truth.i use to hate a particular.or two.ppl in our cg b4.MAYBE not nw.i cant stand their attitude.i noe i m no better.but is like.cos i use to b the youngest in cg.then sumtimes i kinda feel bullied.i hate that feeling.seriousli.n ya.i hate it when ppl accuse my bro for nth.but tell u.dun tink u are older n u can bulli him.i noe he is mischievous.veri mischievous.but i believe his spiritual life may be better than sum of us here.u can laugh.but.u wun noe.but he can be real good.better than u ever can be.i m crying nw k.so.ya.n u noe.he dun act.like sum of us.like me.i feel so sick at times.i m feeling real bad sumtimes.but i still hav to smile.or else i get criticize again.he is as mischievous at home as u see in church.is my fault if u realli nid to say.i m a bad example for him.i m no gd sister.i hav bad attitude n everything.but ya.if u are at home wif me.see how patient he is.she how he care for me when i m sick.see how he cook for me.see how he kneel n pray.see how he got scolded for me.u wun get any better brother than he.sry to say all tis.i realli am nt feeling too gd.wanted to feel better.but ya.no better actualli.i wan to share but i dun realli noe how.i use to look forward to youth.cos.there are very little girls in sundae sch last time.so how i long to know u guys.how i long to share my secrets.but sumtimes.i dun feel.tat i can trust.u dun give me the sense of security.except suya.to be exact.maybe bcos her age is nearer.as for lingyun.i can trust her.but.ya.i noe her nt long enuff.so.she may not noe much.life is so unfair.i realli dun noe wat am i doin.but.its true lor.go ahead n complain if u wan.ask me during cg if u wan.i wun noe wat to say.pls.if u wan to question me.pls ask alone.pls.still i may not say a thing.cos.i wun noe wat to say.u may tink i m out of my mind.mentalli isane.mayb i realli am.but i jus cant hold it much longer.actualli.to say the truth.like cheng qin.dun tink u see me laughing n being able to "blend" in our cg.i dun feel the sense of belonging either.sry.mayb i m too tired.neither do i tink i did anything.but jus tired.seriousli.i cant sleep.but i dun noe who to go to.i dun noe.i m holding back my taers cos my dad is behind me.i cant cry.onli till i go in to the rm n of the lights.or the ppl living wif me may tell my mum.then ya.i dunno.i dunno.i dunno.i realli dunno.wat am i suppose to do.i noe i took not much responsibilities in church.but there is some kind of imaginary stress on me.its hard to explain.sumtimes i hav tis feelin that every1 is against me.i feel so weak.i feel useless at times.but too much work at times.sumtimes.i realli do feel tat my onli fren is God.cos everytime i feel bad.i hide in the toilet.then he will always accompany me.u noe.when i pray.but i hav to get out cos the rest of the ppl nid to use the toilet too.my toilet.to me.is the safest place on earth.but i do get scare when i bath.especialli at nite.cos i scared it will suddenli black out.i duuno.nvm.why am i sayin tis anyway.too random.nvm.perhaps i realli am too tired.tink all i can say is.jiayou.i will try to change for the better.but pls change for me too.pls.for the better.for the good of 0203 too.dun hav to worry for me.i m ok.jus feeling sick.tired.dunno.u can turn off the sun but we will still shine.take tis as our target then.shine.even if it is jus a tiny glow.but at least its better than no light at all.can we let them trust us.youths.that we can do better.much better.perhaps.