Thank you Char, for your sharing.
I'm sure, everyone felt as guilty as you did.
Just that you took the trouble and time plus effort to express them out in words...
Appreciated!!!
Yes, when we honor each other, we honor God!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Confessions of a distressed teen
Hi guys. I have a confession to make.
I don't know what came into me- whether it was Mushi's talk that night while we were eating mooncakes or the conflicts that I've been having with people I love or actually, just the distance I feel building up amongst us.. Whatever it was, when I'm currently losing sleep (yes, I'm supposed to be in bed 2 hours ago! Have a test tomorrow~), I found myself coming back to good old 0203's blog to read about our enthusiasm as youths just not too long ago (a few years)..
And somehow, all our posts shook me up and I started bawling. I can't believe how far I walked away from God and from all of you. I couldn't even recognise myself from my posts from which I felt so much energy and enthusiasm bubbling from, all for wanting to bring people closer to God and encourage each other and express concern for those who's been missing TQ and basically, for building God's kingdom.
When Mushi was speaking that other day, I asked myself and realised that I can come to no conclusion for what should be the kind of attitude we have for God at our age. It's like so many things have changed and only when I came back to read old posts did I realise that we can as we DID keep our lives filled with God's Word, our blogs filled with concern and discussions about building God's kingdom!
I feel really horrible. Like really really, for allowing myself to forget my enthusiasm, and for not trying hard enough to encourage and bring people closer together. I hope that's going to change. (at least I'm trying!!)
CL: You first, because you were the first to touch me in Charis. I feel really bad for a lot of things, like I can't remember the last time I allowed you to scold me for something I did wrong. Maybe something changed within the course of the last few years and I allowed my pride to build up so much that I couldn't let you in anymore. I wasn't truthful at all, cause I couldn't. Forgive me?
Mel: I never thought I'll be saying this.. But I really miss you a lot mel. I took a look at an older post when you were overseas and I was just complaining about you not being there so I had no one to text when I felt bored or upset in school. I was so shocked to realise that I used to feel like that, even more shocked to realise that I forgot that I felt like that, cause things are kind of different now.. And I haven't been putting in effort to encourage you at all.. Even though of all people I should be the one to know best how difficult it is in a new environment when things get confusing. I feel so bad I'm so sorry okay..
WW: Hi.. I think you're the one I took for granted. From when you stepped into my life all the way till now, after we've been through so many things, I think I haven't been very sensitive towards you at all. In fact, when I'm always complaining about you not telling me what's going on in your mind, I'm guilty for the same thing too. Somehow, I don't know since when we allowed other things to get in between us so we were neither able to share deeply nor exchange spiritual encouragements anymore. I really really missed those times when we prayed together for wisdom to lead our daoban cg, and those times right before I break down we'll just sit in a corner and you'll pray for me. You always made me feel so much better..
SY: Actually, I feel horrible towards you. It's like you were the only other girl who ended up in my new cg with me, and we promised to look after each other. When you started getting busy with your own poly life, many concerned leaders who didn't know what to do came to tell me that I should look out for you more since our ages are closer.. I really can't say that I did what I should have done. It's really insufficient. Sometimes when I have no one to talk to and you're there, you take care of me more than I do for you la. I hope you can give me a chance again.. If I don't bug you, you better bug me ah.. That's just the way to keep both of us going..
Victor: HELLO~ Quick switch from emotional to happy. Heard of your new status in the house of God! Really happy for you.. Really la. You're like this fresh air which always reminds me that if one has the heart to chiong for God, he really can. Thanks for reminding me again and again to post in forum. OK, I WILL.. I MUST.
ZL: Hey.. when I look back back back back and realise that way before, there was a time when we both had our first times leading prayer in a big group, and there was a time we were both excited about overnight prayer, a time when we were touched by someone praying for us.. I really want to shout: REMEMBER THOSE TIMES?? Afterall, we entered CYM at around the same time.. It's hard to bring back those times now, but I'm sure God is not far away.. If He was capable to touching us then (as gullible as we were), He has the ability to touch us again. Just wanted to say thank you, for your spiritual reminders all these years, especially those times when I told you to shut up. No, actually, I really appreciate them..
WJ: Stupid penguin.. honestly, you're making me tear up again. I sort of remember (vaguely) about that one time you flared up with 0104 at zx, you were scolding everyone for not cooperating with the leaders (ww, zl, me), for not appreciating the effort we put in. I remember my eyes popping wide open at your righteous-anger-kinda-thing. And then as I looked back at older posts that were actually not too old (only me n mel in JC), you were the one who actually took note of our exams and offered to sms the whole cg and Force them to pray for us. How could I have forgotten that you actually did that for us, just because you wanted to? Thank you.. No wonder I got through my As alive..
Alan: Ok, so most of the time I notice that you feel left out, but gave myself an excuse so that I don't have to be involved. It's always easier to look away, walk in an opposite direction, or change the subject. Sorry.. I didn't put in effort for your prayers requested.. Sorry.. These simple things that weren't hard to do, I just didn't do, cause I just wanted the easy way out. Sorry.. And yet hey, you do nice things in return. I think I have a lot to learn from you.. Thanks..
Nat: OKAY before you say I forget you ah here's your part. Ok Nat, putting aside the personal feud that my mum may like you more than she likes me, I actually think you're also another person that I often take for granted. I often only notice that I need you when I need to prepare food heh heh heh, or need to carry heavy stuff etc etc. Hai, so sorry.. Actually, no matter how much we've gone through, I must admit that you're indispensable in Charis. In short, You Are Useful Man! And, i think my mum still likes you.. -.- So tell me, what did you feed her?!?!?!?!?!
LX: Ah LX. HAHAHA. You were the first person (aside from CL) that I thought was really nice when I first stepped into Charis. So nice that I laugh thinking about it. If not for your banana boat ride, I might never have allowed myself to blend into CYM, and henceforth, 0203 or 0104. Actually, I owe you a lot of thanks! And then looking back at old posts.. even though sometimes you say you don't know what to say, except the fact that you always just stay on the blog to read our posts or just tell us that you're thankful.. I think small words can speak big things. Cause tell me how many of us are thankful for spiritual sharings and prayers? I certainly have lowered the value of these sharings because I forgot to be thankful.. So thanks.. for reminding me of that.
0203, or the big big youths la ok. This is my heartfelt confession.. I really really really miss you guys alot okay. That night that I wasn't allowed to stay to play sparklers or sit kiddy rides.. I looked at the facebook videos and emoed. After looking back at our history.. Although I'm not sure how much of that kind of enthusiasm I can revive in my close-to-dead self, I'm certain that you guys played a crucial part at my spiritual peak.. And I need those to move forward again- too important to be missed!
Emergency.. Need ALL of you guys back in my life, take me back please? :'(
I don't know what came into me- whether it was Mushi's talk that night while we were eating mooncakes or the conflicts that I've been having with people I love or actually, just the distance I feel building up amongst us.. Whatever it was, when I'm currently losing sleep (yes, I'm supposed to be in bed 2 hours ago! Have a test tomorrow~), I found myself coming back to good old 0203's blog to read about our enthusiasm as youths just not too long ago (a few years)..
And somehow, all our posts shook me up and I started bawling. I can't believe how far I walked away from God and from all of you. I couldn't even recognise myself from my posts from which I felt so much energy and enthusiasm bubbling from, all for wanting to bring people closer to God and encourage each other and express concern for those who's been missing TQ and basically, for building God's kingdom.
When Mushi was speaking that other day, I asked myself and realised that I can come to no conclusion for what should be the kind of attitude we have for God at our age. It's like so many things have changed and only when I came back to read old posts did I realise that we can as we DID keep our lives filled with God's Word, our blogs filled with concern and discussions about building God's kingdom!
I feel really horrible. Like really really, for allowing myself to forget my enthusiasm, and for not trying hard enough to encourage and bring people closer together. I hope that's going to change. (at least I'm trying!!)
CL: You first, because you were the first to touch me in Charis. I feel really bad for a lot of things, like I can't remember the last time I allowed you to scold me for something I did wrong. Maybe something changed within the course of the last few years and I allowed my pride to build up so much that I couldn't let you in anymore. I wasn't truthful at all, cause I couldn't. Forgive me?
Mel: I never thought I'll be saying this.. But I really miss you a lot mel. I took a look at an older post when you were overseas and I was just complaining about you not being there so I had no one to text when I felt bored or upset in school. I was so shocked to realise that I used to feel like that, even more shocked to realise that I forgot that I felt like that, cause things are kind of different now.. And I haven't been putting in effort to encourage you at all.. Even though of all people I should be the one to know best how difficult it is in a new environment when things get confusing. I feel so bad I'm so sorry okay..
WW: Hi.. I think you're the one I took for granted. From when you stepped into my life all the way till now, after we've been through so many things, I think I haven't been very sensitive towards you at all. In fact, when I'm always complaining about you not telling me what's going on in your mind, I'm guilty for the same thing too. Somehow, I don't know since when we allowed other things to get in between us so we were neither able to share deeply nor exchange spiritual encouragements anymore. I really really missed those times when we prayed together for wisdom to lead our daoban cg, and those times right before I break down we'll just sit in a corner and you'll pray for me. You always made me feel so much better..
SY: Actually, I feel horrible towards you. It's like you were the only other girl who ended up in my new cg with me, and we promised to look after each other. When you started getting busy with your own poly life, many concerned leaders who didn't know what to do came to tell me that I should look out for you more since our ages are closer.. I really can't say that I did what I should have done. It's really insufficient. Sometimes when I have no one to talk to and you're there, you take care of me more than I do for you la. I hope you can give me a chance again.. If I don't bug you, you better bug me ah.. That's just the way to keep both of us going..
Victor: HELLO~ Quick switch from emotional to happy. Heard of your new status in the house of God! Really happy for you.. Really la. You're like this fresh air which always reminds me that if one has the heart to chiong for God, he really can. Thanks for reminding me again and again to post in forum. OK, I WILL.. I MUST.
ZL: Hey.. when I look back back back back and realise that way before, there was a time when we both had our first times leading prayer in a big group, and there was a time we were both excited about overnight prayer, a time when we were touched by someone praying for us.. I really want to shout: REMEMBER THOSE TIMES?? Afterall, we entered CYM at around the same time.. It's hard to bring back those times now, but I'm sure God is not far away.. If He was capable to touching us then (as gullible as we were), He has the ability to touch us again. Just wanted to say thank you, for your spiritual reminders all these years, especially those times when I told you to shut up. No, actually, I really appreciate them..
WJ: Stupid penguin.. honestly, you're making me tear up again. I sort of remember (vaguely) about that one time you flared up with 0104 at zx, you were scolding everyone for not cooperating with the leaders (ww, zl, me), for not appreciating the effort we put in. I remember my eyes popping wide open at your righteous-anger-kinda-thing. And then as I looked back at older posts that were actually not too old (only me n mel in JC), you were the one who actually took note of our exams and offered to sms the whole cg and Force them to pray for us. How could I have forgotten that you actually did that for us, just because you wanted to? Thank you.. No wonder I got through my As alive..
Alan: Ok, so most of the time I notice that you feel left out, but gave myself an excuse so that I don't have to be involved. It's always easier to look away, walk in an opposite direction, or change the subject. Sorry.. I didn't put in effort for your prayers requested.. Sorry.. These simple things that weren't hard to do, I just didn't do, cause I just wanted the easy way out. Sorry.. And yet hey, you do nice things in return. I think I have a lot to learn from you.. Thanks..
Nat: OKAY before you say I forget you ah here's your part. Ok Nat, putting aside the personal feud that my mum may like you more than she likes me, I actually think you're also another person that I often take for granted. I often only notice that I need you when I need to prepare food heh heh heh, or need to carry heavy stuff etc etc. Hai, so sorry.. Actually, no matter how much we've gone through, I must admit that you're indispensable in Charis. In short, You Are Useful Man! And, i think my mum still likes you.. -.- So tell me, what did you feed her?!?!?!?!?!
LX: Ah LX. HAHAHA. You were the first person (aside from CL) that I thought was really nice when I first stepped into Charis. So nice that I laugh thinking about it. If not for your banana boat ride, I might never have allowed myself to blend into CYM, and henceforth, 0203 or 0104. Actually, I owe you a lot of thanks! And then looking back at old posts.. even though sometimes you say you don't know what to say, except the fact that you always just stay on the blog to read our posts or just tell us that you're thankful.. I think small words can speak big things. Cause tell me how many of us are thankful for spiritual sharings and prayers? I certainly have lowered the value of these sharings because I forgot to be thankful.. So thanks.. for reminding me of that.
0203, or the big big youths la ok. This is my heartfelt confession.. I really really really miss you guys alot okay. That night that I wasn't allowed to stay to play sparklers or sit kiddy rides.. I looked at the facebook videos and emoed. After looking back at our history.. Although I'm not sure how much of that kind of enthusiasm I can revive in my close-to-dead self, I'm certain that you guys played a crucial part at my spiritual peak.. And I need those to move forward again- too important to be missed!
Emergency.. Need ALL of you guys back in my life, take me back please? :'(
Thursday, October 1, 2009
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